You can tell the houses with new neighbors even after moving vans and packing boxes are long gone. Their new car is parked out front because they just discovered their garages is short on length. They are always rushing around, full of enthusiasm: Painting, fixing the deck, waiting for new appliance deliveries while gathering estimates for shutters, blinds or shades.
A month into the move they're ripping out 6 month old carpeting, replacing it with "carefree" wood floors. They've begun to redo a bathroom, or made changes to the kitchen that require knocking a hole through the brick. As you drive by, you see a jagged opening being pounded out by the contractor. If you'd known, you might have warned, "Save those bricks. The original supplier can't get that color anymore."
You watch a new neighbor unloading a dozen or more 5 gallon containers of mums. Of course it's a joy to see yellow, burgundy and orange flowers on their balcony or peeking out between the evergreens, but you know from past seasons that within a week a surprise burst of frost will hit. Afterward warm days always return, but sadly, too late for those flowers. Long time residents sadly turn away--money wasted for brief moments of beauty. If only they'd asked...
Adult Children
It's hard to watch people make mistakes under our noses...sometimes costly ones we might have prevented. Especially in these difficult times watching people waste money, or take a shortcut they'll later regret can be upsetting. It's difficult for parents to remain silent when adult children are heading in the wrong direction, but offering unsolicited advice in non-life threatening circumstances is a serious mistake. An emotionally charged, negative response could unexpectedly be hurled your way in anger, sending your relationship sliding and signaling months of awkwardness. Be patient, wait to be asked.
Why do generational disputes so often unbalance parent-adult child relationships? Our children grew up in world where college was requisite for a successful career, so it follows that being smart is the prize. Tolerating the embarrassment of looking stupid in front of peers is hard enough, but devastating in front of parents from whom we all secretly want praise. Accepting a parents' advice can trigger a momentary flash of childhood, eliciting resentment in someone determined to separate from the past.Almost a decade has to transpire before adults in their late twenties are sanguine with their parents' suggestions and can evaluate their input sans emotion. Getting used to being an independent competent adult who no longer needs to feel guilty or diminished when ignoring your parents' suggestion seems hardest in families with deep bonds.
Baby Boomers are not psychic, but we've witnessed a lot over our lifetimes. If we can, we would like to spare others the same errors we've made. Feel free to ask our opinion.
